This is real.

Just over 2 weeks ago, I was out in the pasture taking care of the chickens in the middle of the scorching hot afternoon.  We’ve been having very dry conditions as well.  I  needed to make sure the chickens were getting enough water.  I was checking the connection between two hoses, when I saw a shadow fall over the valley.  “Clouds!” I thought.  “That’s unexpected, but nice.”  I looked up and instead of a nice puffy cloud blocking the sun, it was dark brown smoke.  It was rising just on the other side of the ridge of our mountain. It took only a few seconds to realize that this probably wasn’t someone burning their burn pile!  It was a fire and this was not good!  Within 15 minutes, that small column of smoke turned into a very dark billowing cloud.  I was scared!  This was real!  A real live wild fire extremely close to our property.  I literally didn’t know what I should do next.  My military husband had been away for 3 weeks on assignment and he was due to return the following day.  REALLY!?  (we always joke around that something ALWAYS happens when he is gone. haha…..I think a wild fire burning extremely close to our property is top on the list!  Next to our dog getting hit by a car… but that’s another story for another day) The next several hours brought lots of waiting.  Along with throwing those things that were most important into the car, in case of mandatory evacuation.  The wind was blowing that fire fairly close in our direction.  However, with the incredible firefighters dropping water and retardant on the flames, and the fact that once the fire reached the ridge, it does not burn down hill very well, AND with God’s protection, I went to bed that night, safe. The next morning, the wind was blowing in the complete opposite direction!  So, the fire literally was burning back upon itself.  And this second day brought lots of waiting again.  I could see the smoke rising throughout the day.  There was a constant sound of helicopters and planes reminding me of the battle going on just on the other side of the hill.  I was going about my daily routine as normal as possible, but always waiting to see if that fire would but us in real danger.  The waiting was the hard part.  I didn’t know if I was going to lose my home, my farm. I had to trust that God was going to care for us.  That’s all I could do. And he saved us and everyone else close to the fire!  And out of the charred mountain side will come new life and beauty. Many of you are following the story of my nephews, Titus and Ely and the fight against Batten disease.  Batten is an umbrella name for many neurodegenerative diseases where the body’s lysosomes in the cells are not working properly to get rid of cellular “waste.”  The build up damages cells, slowing bringing blindness and a degression in motor skills along with all body function.  There is a 1/280ish chance for someone in the general population to be a carrier of the mutated gene that causes this late infantile NCL disease.  Being a carrier, means that you carry only one copy of the mutated gene, and you are not effected.  However, if two people are carriers and they have a child, that child has a 25% chance of acquiring the disease. Both mutated genes have to be passed on to the child for them to have it. Therefore, we call the disease an autosomal recessive disease. This is what has happened with my nephews.  Both their parents carry the bad gene.  Now, we are talking about my brother and my husband’s sister. 🙂  Siblings married siblings.  (it’s a fun story, I should share sometime.  And yes, it’s legal.) During the course of us finding out what disease was plaguing Titus, we discover that Ely also has it, even though he has not shown signs yet (they onset after 2 years of age, typically).  My heart aches deeply for them and my prayers are fervent for healing and peace and understanding.  And surely, Brad and I don’t have to worry about this with our family.  But wait, we all have the same parents, so maybe we need to be tested.  Brad gets tested first and we wait….wait to see if he is a carrier.  Surely, not.  Us “kids” have a 50% chance of carrying the mutated gene.  We wait for his results and then I get the call….Brad is a carrier.  No!  Ok….so now, I get tested.  Surely, I don’t carry it too!  I get my blood drawn and wait….and wait….God, I’d love to NOT be a carrier so that Brad and I don’t have to get our son tested.  So that we can have another child without worry.  Surely, not all four of us parents will carry this thing.  Then I get the phone call a few days ago, “I got your results from the lab.  I’m sorry, Bekah, you are a carrier.”  No…….. This is real.  This is really getting real.  We are facing a situation just like Danny and Bekah.  Waiting to see if our son might have the disease.  My dreams of carrying another child are shattered and I feel a very deep sorrow.  Like I lost the child that I never had.  And my thoughts can easily go to picturing Colby declining in skill and speech and vision.  Thoughts of him losing his life.  And it scares me to the core.  But I can’t let my thoughts go there.  Fear is not of God.  God is love and perfect love drives out fear. “Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, with prayer and THANKSGIVING, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  Phil. 4:4-8 WOW!  There is that word “thanksgiving.”  Eucharisteo.  By thanking God for all of his blessings (and there are so many every day!) I’m able to see God for who he really is.  Giving thanks allows trust to be built.  And it is safe to trust God.  He will guard my heart and mind and cover me with a peace I can’t describe.  Eucharisteo comes before the miracle. The opposite of trust is fear.  Fear is not of God.  Fear says that God is powerless. That He doesn’t care.  Fear says that God will not take care of Titus and Ely and Colby. Fear says that He is not doing what is good.  Fear binds us and blinds us and leaves us falling out of control into the pit.  Fear says God is finite and weak.  These are all lies.  Lies that I will fight against! God’s love endures forever.  “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things.”  Romans 8:12.  Jesus felt as though God forsake him on the cross.  It was very dark, the earth began to shake, Jesus was crucified.  But God had not forsaken.  God was ever so close.  And he did a miracle that changed everything.  Christ rose from the dead, took all of our sin upon his shoulders, and conquered death!  Jesus conquered death and sin and fear.  Surely, it is safe to trust God!  He has NEVER left us.  He love endures forever.  This is real. I think that during the darkest times in our lives, God is so very very close.  He may be silent but he is protecting us with is hand.  We long to know what he is doing, but he doesn’t say.  He may be silent, but he is not absent.  God is with us in the darkest of times and the fullness of his glory is passing by.  It may take a long time, but we will be able to look back and see exactly the good that he was doing.  I think that if God was to reveal to us his mighty plan, we wouldn’t be able to grasp it with our fragile human minds.  Moses wanted to see God’s face and God told him that he would surely die if he did.  His glory is that great and powerful.  God isn’t leaving us alone, his love is lavished upon us.  Thank you God. Thank you. Romans 8:38- “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our LORD.” Thank you for reading. Bek


2 thoughts on “This is real.

  1. Ooooohhhh sweet pea… I was so encouraged by your post… your testimony of trust… and it is soooo hard… relying on your history of faith with Father God… the scripture encouragement… you may NEVER know how God is using all of this for His glory…and Ge is and will continue to do so… thanks for gut honestly… I love you…


  2. Bekah
    Just have no words. I just gasped as I read your blog. So glad you aren’t giving in to your fears which is not of God. I covet your faith. God Bless you all as you do more waiting of what is yet to come. God Bless you all as you trust and not fear.


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